Convicted fraudster and potential owner of Leeds United today made the shock revelation of his greatest con to date; he’s not even Italian. Speaking exclusively to a reporter from The Lamppost Cellino admitted; “I don’t really know when it started, I actually grew up in Margate. I just think one of my mates at school told me I looked a little bit Italian, and I ran with it, I thought it made me sound cool and exotic. Since then it just spiralled out of control. I quit my job at Argos and decided to make a living out of pretending to be a mediterranean billionaire. I can’t believe how far I’ve got.” Cellino, real name Matthew Collins went on to say; “I guess I’m just a compulsive liar nowadays, I don’t even do it for a reason most of the time, it’s just a bit of a buzz.”
Collins, who has never been to Italy, spent his teenage years perfecting the Italian look by slicking his hair back, constantly wearing sunglasses even in winter and riding a Vespa whilst sexually harassing women. “It’s really easy to make people think you’re Italian, you just wave your hands about a lot and loudly complain about the quality of olive oil in Britain, and people fill in the gaps for you. What people don’t realise is there isn’t even a team called Cagliari, I made that up too, I just picked a word at random out of an Italian dictionary.” TDL can confirm that in fact a cagliari is a type of aquatic snail.
Collins says he is now filled with remorse for his life of lies; “I really want to apologise to all supporters of Leeds United for wasting their time, but I’m taking this opportunity to turn my life around. I can’t stand the deception any more, and I’m fucking sick of linguine.”
As we go to press TDL has just learnt that Salah Nooruddin is actually a baker from Preston named Steven Norman.