In a stunning turn of events at Elland Road, Peter Lorimer, who remains the all-time top goal scorer for Leeds United, used his regular speech at Lorimer’s Bar this week to sing the praises of an unlikely recipient; prolific serial killer Harold Shipman.
Lorimer announced to a stunned audience; “I really think the public have the wrong impression of Harold, he was a good man, an honest man, who only had the best interests of the elderly at heart. The press has distorted the facts of his time as a doctor, they don’t mention his excellent record of patient feedback and his years of loyal service to the NHS, they’d rather just focus on some of his more unorthodox care techniques. It’s a witch hunt.”
Lorimer, who is famed for having the fiercest shot and feeblest mind in history, carried on with his tirade calling the police ‘racist’ for their handling of the case and telling one fan who heckled him he should ‘shove a Biro down his dick’, before claiming Shipman himself was murdered by members of the media and that the verdict of suicide by hanging that followed his death was ‘a fucking farce’.
Lee Masonridge, a Leeds fan who was in attendance told The Lamppost; “It was bizarre, he stood there bold as brass defending a man who killed over 250 people, he’s gone too far this time. But what a player he was.”
This isn’t the first time the legendary scot has courted controversy, having previously claimed that Ted Bundy was ‘a good egg’ and that Osama Bin Laden was ‘framed by the government’.
Lorimer closed his talk by dipping his cock in glitter and furiously masturbating in the direction of the audience. He has been refered to the LGI’s secure ward for monitoring.