Wenger Still Deciding How To Not Win FA Cup

PicsArt_1394047965152 (1)After yet another brave but losing performance in the Champion’s League last night, Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger told the assembled media at his press conference today he is still unsure of how to not win their last realistic chance at silverware this season, the FA cup.

“It’s truly been a vintage year for us, and I’m very proud that we remain on course for yet another historic quadruple of un-won trophies. The style in which we have not won things this season has been magnificent; we’ve fostered a hell of a lot of false hope amongst our supporters, and I’m sure we can use that to carry us to yet another disappointing conclusion.”

With Arsenal drawn against Championship side Wigan Athletic in the semi final, with a final against one of Hull City or League One Sheffield United as the prize for the victor, Arsenal are currently huge favourites to win the trophy, but Arsene remains certain his team will once again find some bizarre way to not come out on top.

"I was concerned we were too good, but luckily, our best players are always injured."

“I was concerned we were too good, but luckily our best players are always injured.”

“I’m thinking of playing either Sanogo or Bendtner up front, possibly both, to give us the maximum chance of not winning; but I fear that may be a little predictable, so I may in fact play my full-strength team and hope they have the mental strength to somehow not beat the opponents in front of us. It’s going to be tough, but I’m certain we can pull it off.”

Mike Yarlwood, Chairman of the Arsenal Supporters Trust, backed the talismanic Frenchman’s vision. “As Arsenal fans, we always have a lingering fear that one day we’ll win something again and have nothing to moan about. Arsene’s seen us through closer shaves than this though, we lost the league cup final to an awful Birmingham team remember. Obefemi bloody Martins for god’s sake! The thing is, we consider it good value for money paying the money we do for season tickets to bask in the glory of all those plaudits we win for our style of play, winning actual things would just sully that. Except for the Emirates Cup of course.”

Wenger concluded his conference by simply stating “As I’ve said many times before; Champions League qualification is as good as a trophy, so I’m hoping we also manage to somehow fuck that up too.”

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