MISSING MALAYSIAN PLANE ‘ON ITS WAY TO BRITAIN’ CLAIMS FARAGE

PicsArt_1394047965152 (1)Nigel Farage, leader of UKIP, has today claimed that the missing Malaysia Airlines flight MH370 has not, as feared, crashed; but is actually full of potential UK immigrants on their way to Britain.

“It’s clear there’s more to this than meets the eye,” the popular adulterer told assembled news hacks “why on earth would they want to land in the sea when there’s a country here just waiting to hand over billions of pounds in benefits to them?”

Farage, millionaire former investment banker and current ‘man of the people’ continued; “By now I reckon they should be just about to make landing in, I dunno, Kent or something where they’ll probably set up a camp because you know what foreigners are like; gypsies the lot of them. This whole ‘going missing in tragic circumstances’ is just another of their sneaky foreign tricks, mark my words.”

"They'll be on Disability Living Allowance before you can say 'swivel-eyed loons'"

“They’ll be on Disability Living Allowance before you can say ‘swivel-eyed loons'”

The flight, which contained 239 people, went missing at around 1.30am on Saturday with no reports of bad weather or mechanical problems. The plane was less than an hour into its journey between Kuala Lumpur and Beijing.

Mr Farage concluded his tirade against those missing and presumed dead by taking a swipe at EU bureaucrats, presumably forgetting he is one. “I bet they stopped over in Bulgaria or another one of those dirty immigrant countries on the way to fill up with more shifty, work-shy types which is probably what’s taking them so long. You just know that they’re loving this in Brussels. The bastards.”

Fearing for his mental stability, a journalist from The Lamppost called Nigel’s mum so she could take him home and calm him down for a bit.

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