PicsArt_1394047965152 (1)The nation awoke today to the sad news of the passing of Tony Benn, aged 88, leaving Britain without a single decent human being left in politics.

The Labour party, upon learning of his death, released a statement to the press expressing their sorrow at the loss of not only a great man, but also mourning civility, principles and conviction in political life. “Tony was a wonderful man who, uniquely in modern politics, had deeply held ideas about how to improve the lives of others. He wasn’t corrupted by money, avarice or commercial interests, and this wildly atypical approach will be sorely missed. Thankfully, we still have plenty of shiny-faced, career-driven Blairites left in the party, so his legacy will be continued. We will never know his type again, we’ll make sure of that.”

The last good one.

The last good one.

Unlike any other politician in the UK, people were moved by his speeches, inspired by his actions and touched by his warmth and humanity; and tributes to him have poured in all day.

Arthur Morworth, a former miner who first heard Benn speak in the late seventies told The Lamppost “When people used to say that all politicians are weasely little shits without courage or passion, I used to hold Tony up as an example to prove them wrong. I’m just going to have to agree next time I suppose.”

The polls today reflected the mood of the public, with no party gaining more than 0% approval, with the most popular response to IPSOS Mori’s questioning being ‘None of the above; they’re all a right shower of bastards, especially the Lib Dems.’

Several prominent political figures lined up to pay tribute to Mr Benn’s uncompromised ideology of hope, fairness and equality, but no-one at The Lamppost was even vaguely interested in what any of them had to say.


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