Nation Distracted By Shiny Object

PicsArt_1394047965152 (1)The entire nation was today embroiled in fierce debate over a shiny object the chancellor waved in the air shortly before delivering his controversial new budget to parliament.

The object, a small jagged disc that appears to be made of reflective metals, has caused outrage and admiration in equal amounts amongst a general public astounded by how shiny, lovely and mind-bogglingly new it is. Due to its desirable nature, the object has been valued at approximately one pound, and may one day be accepted as a legitimate currency like Bitcoin.

We set out to take the nations pulse, and took the shiny object out on the streets, talking first to Anne Churchill, 48 from Bexley Heath. “It’s amazing. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything so shiny. I just fucking love shiny things. I love it. It…looks…preciousss.”

The shiny object has a picture of an old lady on it.

The shiny object has a picture of an old lady on it.

Dan Peacock, 24, from Sheffield, was less impressed. “It’s just a shiny piece of metal, isn’t there something more important we should be discussing?” he told us, before falling into a hypnotized daze, unable to avert his stare from the object.

“I’m staggered our Chancellor could have such contempt for us as to try and divert our attention from serious matters by waving glistening metals at us.” said Julie Beckwith, 34, “Does he think we’re toddlers? It sure is shiny though…” The Lamppost was forced to end the discussion there as Ms Beckwith began drooling and soiled herself.

Social media was ablaze at the news with #OooohShinyShiny trending nationwide all day.


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